I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
