There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
