just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
