you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
