RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my sisters under your porch take her home
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
