it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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