3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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