for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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