please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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