I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
