Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think my moral compass just broke
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