One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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