3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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