First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
