The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
