planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
