There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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