Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
