Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
