I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
