dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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