A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
