let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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