hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
