farters have to be the big spoon...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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