i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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