This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
