meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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