I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like eating out sand paper
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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