I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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