Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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