I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I died a long time ago.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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