Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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