And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
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I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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