After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
