if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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