please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
