There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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