do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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