i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
