so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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