I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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