I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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