Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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