Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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