I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Still dying that you shit outside
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
