My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
