Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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