4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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