Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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