I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the raccoons are back...
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