So drunk its hurt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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