Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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