lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
