Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We are all done wearing pants today
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
