My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
