sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
