I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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