you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
