And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
