You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this boner is exhausting
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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