Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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