Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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