I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
