It's like God shit irony all over that family
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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