Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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