I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
