3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
