o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
