I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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