the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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