I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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