It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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