He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
