My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
