cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
