member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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