youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
