i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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