final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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