is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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