Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
