I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
