omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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