Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
