WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
