When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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